Breaking the Habit
by Lealah Lupin III
Summary: Jigen contemplates suicide after killing a man who threatened the Lupin gang. PG-13 for obvious reasons. Enjoy and R&R!


Breaking the Habit

Featuring the song Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park

Disclaimer: I don't own Lupin III or Jigen or Goemon of Fujiko or Pops. I do own Lealah, who's in this surprisingly enough. I'm not part of Linkin Park either.

I walked in the door, my head screaming. I had killed again today. Not for self-defense, or because the others were in trouble, but in cold blood. Two to the back of the head, Mafia style. Mafia Style; just the thought of those words brought back memories, memories best left forgotten. As I began drowning in them, I ducked into my room. He would have come after us. He would have hunted us to the grave, even Lealah. I killed the bastard to protect the kid...

I fell to my knees with a loud thump. No one came to find out what the noise was. They all knew I could take care of myself. They thought they could stop me if the demon took over. Until then I'd be fine.

Bull.

_ Memories consume_

_Like opening a wound_

_I'm picking me apart again._

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_(Unless I try to start again.)_

There is a demon inside me, planted there long ago. Once, so many years ago, I thought I could control it, use it to my advantage. It almost destroyed what little soul I had left. I caught it in time and locked it away. After that, I realized that I didn't like killing. It was wrong, it made me feel like a monster. Then I started asking myself questions that had been locked away where the demon now resided. Why did I do this if I didn't like it? Why did I start things that I knew would lead to more death. I didn't then and still don't know the answer, but I knew the demon would never go away. I thought I could keep it locked away, but it resurfaced tonight and shot that guy. I guess there is only one way to get rid of it.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause in time I realize_

_That I'm the one confused._

_**I don't know what's worth fighting for**_

_**Or Why I have to scream.**_

_**I don't know why I instigate**_

_**And say what I don't mean.**_

_**I don't know how I got this way,**_

_**I know it's not alright,**_

_**So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit,**_

_**Tonight. **_

I quietly set my gun on the bed and locked the bedroom door. As I sat back down I picked up my prized magnum and stared at it emptily. The Demon had been brought out by the urge to protect. "I'll get that bitch of a kid, too!" he'd said. I tried to shake away the memories, old and new. The wouldn't go.

If I couldn't keep the demon in check, it would turn against the very people I'd been trying to protect. Lupin...Goemon...Lealah...Fuji-well, Lupin, Goemon and Lealah...This hurt far worse than the last time it happened. Now I had friends, a proverbial family to protect. I didn't want to get them hurt. At the very least, Lealah deserved to be safe in her own home. It wasn't worth it. If I stayed here, I'd end up hurting someone, and I cannot keep the demon from escaping. I knew what I had to do.

_ Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again._

_I hurt much more_

_Than any time before_

_I have no options left again._

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battle always choose_

_Cause in time I realize_

_That I'm the one confused._

I don't know what's worth fighting for 

_**Or why I have to scream.**_

_**I don't know why I instigate**_

_**And say what I don't mean.**_

_**I don't know how I got this way**_

_**I'll never be alright**_

_**So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit,**_

**_Tonight. _**

I gazed into the barrel of the magnum. It would be so easy just to end it all. All the blood would be a bitch to get off the walls, but that's a small price to pay. If I just pulled the trigger, they would all be safe. The demon that had plagued so many people for so long would die along with me.

It all ends here!

_ I'll paint it on the walls,_

_Cause I'm the one at fault._

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends. _

I had the gun pointed at my temple when I heard something; singing. Lealah walking by and singing the Beatles.

"Would you believe in a love at first sight? Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time. What do you see when you turn out the lights? I can't tell you but I know It's mine."

Gun to my head and heaviness in my heart, I started to chuckle, then laugh. This was partially from the stupidity of the song and partially because for the first time in 38 years of living, I fully understood what that last line was talking about. It hadn't dawned on me till now.

"Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends. Mm, get high with a little help from my friends. Oh, gonna try with a little help from my friends."

Still grinning I set the gun back on the bed. She had watched as I placed a bullet in the guy's brain. If she could face the demon without fear, so could I. I'd just "get by with a little help from my friends."

I still don't know why I let the demon in, but now I know I can live with it. The demon would probably never go away, but I can keep it locked. And, with a little help, I can break the habit.

_** I don't know what's worth fighting for**_

_**or why I have to scream.**_

_**But know I have some clarity**_

_**To show you what I mean.**_

_**I don't know how I got this was**_

_**I'll never be alright**_

_**So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit,**_

_**I'm breaking the habit**_

_**Tonight. **_

"Hey Jigen! We're going to case a museum for our next heist. Let's go!" Putting the gun away, I went to join them.

"Hey, afterward, dinner on me." I said.

"Be sure to order the most expensive item on the menu." Goemon joked.

"Since when did you grow a since of humor?" Lealah asked. "Jigen, are you whistling Get by with a Little Help from my Friends?"

In answer, I sang "Do you need anybody? I need somebody to love. Could it be anybody? I just need someone to love."

"God, you can't sing!" Lupin complained.

"At least I don't chase away mythical beasts." It felt good to be alive. And I knew 'd be able to keep the demon away from them.


End file.
